Kurdistan Bloggers Union Votification complete - Kurdistan Bloggers Union

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Sunday, January 30, 2005 

Votification complete

See I can make up words too.... VOTIFICATION!

This will probably be my longest ever blog.

Anyhoo... I am just back from Glasgow with that crap that's all over my index finger. Seriously what the hell is with that? It makes it look like Ive got some skin disease or due to the change of colour from purple to brown, it looks like Ive stuck my finger somewhere where the sun don't shine and where anti-war tree huggers (e.g. George 'Indefatigable Asshole' Galloway) hang out.

Anyway... as I mentioned in my last post I managed to find a bloke called Kak Pishtiwan who told me that they organised a few buses to take us from Newcastle to Glasgow. Well I got picked up at the train station by the Pishtiwan guy and he took me to possibly the dodgiest part of Newcastle. It was somewhere between Fenham and Westgate... which are dodgy places in their own rights.

So I stood out in the bleeding cold waiting for the buses. And as mentioned in my last blog, the Kurdish contingent (mostly male) were the stereotype I was hoping it wasn't going to be. Actually there was more hair-gel than the usual, it's as if a special shipment of ultra-shiny hair gel was imported from downtown Tehran. And boy were the Kurds wearing it with a pride.
There were a couple of Kurdish boys who were evidently just getting into puberty and you could tell that they badly wanted people to notice their non-existant mousetaches (Kurds usually refer to randomly sprouting facial hair as 'googra', as in a mousetache so small that it can only hold tiny pieces of crap)

Anyway with the whole thing being Kurdish organised, the buses were typically late. Anyway I got on the bus and as soon as we got on, one of the organisers found it necessary to tell the passengers that the bus was hired by the Yecheti Party (Jalal Talebani's PUK party). So a couple of Mas3ood Barazani's followers wanted to get off the bus, but a couple of Kurdish sweet-nothings whispered into their ears convinced them to stay on the bus. I just thought "Thank God... I dont spread any allegiance to these retarded political parties". My heart only bleeds for one group and that group is Manchester United.

Anyway, I was getting ignored by everyone on the bus for a reason I will explain later. So I sat on my chair and slept for a good 45 minutes and awoke to found the people in the bus playing a quiz about Kurdistan.

Now here comes the most embarrassing part of the day. The bus was split into 2 groups for the quiz; Group A and Group B. I was in Group B (not that it mattered, as I know sod all about Kurdish poetry and literature). Anyway each group had to elect someone who'll tell the quiz-master their answer (notice the political intentions). Anyway our group elected a guy called Nasyaw (also known as Rezhin; because he said Nasyaw is an arabic name. I think the reason he calls himself Rezhin is that it's his benefit frauding name). Anyway Rezhin/Nasyaw was one hell of a character. Every item of clothing he was wearing had the Kurdish flag painted on it. All the way from his cap (hait) and jacket to his trousers, shoes and socks had the Kurdish flag painted proudly on it.

Anyway we got given a line from a poem and we had to tell the quizmaster who the poet was. Well everyone on our team said some guy whose name I dont remember, but one guy on our team, who I'll call "Demented Dler", was adamant it was some guy called Kak Qane3. Anyway Rezhin/Nasyaw decided to ignore him and gave the answer the group minus "Demented Dler" decided on. Anyway we were wrong and "Demented Dler" was right. Now this got "Demented Dler" absolutely fuming!!!!
He told the bus driver to stop and he wanted to get off the bus. In the middle of Berwick upon Tweed! Which is as bad as the name makes it seem. He started with the talk that you only hear Kurdish mothers say, you know the whole "Noone ever listens to me or cares for me". It was damn embarrassing.
Anyway when that subsided another guy I'll call "Retarded Roshgar" went absolutely mental because the quizmaster was using a microhphone, so all the passengers could hear it. And "Retarded Roshgar" said that if he hear's another word he'd throw himself out the window. I was hoping he would, as I dont think many would people would miss him.
There were times where I thought I hopped on a bus where they had a mentally retarded people's day out.

Anyway, thank the lord we arrived in Glasgow. I took my Kurdish flag out and all of a sudden the animosity towards me turned into friendship. They all thought I was an arab who decided to hitch a free ride!! One kid kept on asking me whether I was really kurdish or not. I guess Kurds don't come as handsome as me and maybe the fact that I dont look Kurdish at all!
And as soon as they found out I was a Kurd who had a decent grasp of the English language, they all took out their Passport application forms out and I had to translate it for them. Who on earth carries their passport/travel document application forms with them on the off chance that someone will translate it for them? By the way... nearly all of them were here illegally and should have been deported a loooong time ago.

I reached the polling station and saw a huge Kurdish contingent there (as usual) and they were all geared up for voting (by the way I voted for number 130). I've never seen so many happy Kurds in my life. It was quite a proud moment for me. As soon as I got out (after getting my finger shat on), I noticed a bit of a commotion at the end of one of the streets and there were loads of Kurds Shaya-ing their arses off! Our bus didn't stay in Glasgow for very long so we had to leave straight away. We stopped off at a service point on the way back for a break, I decided to buy a tabloid paper and some chocolate but I had to warn all the other kurds who bought Egg and Bacon sandwiches as they had no idea that bacon was pig meat (aaaah I felt like a superhero). Oh yeah speaking of the tabloid paper; check this out for a headline on the paper I bought "MY TUMOUR SHOT OUT OF MY MOUTH!!".

For the ride back the driver decided to play a movie for us; the brilliant Tom Hanks in "Castaway". And "Demented Dler" kept on going on about how he's seen this film, but as the film went on it was obvious it was probably just a figment of his imagination.

I think I best leave it at this for now as I think I've drifted off quite a fair bit. But it was quite an intrigueresting day.

Take care all


BIJI KURDISTAN! (patriotic bugle playing in the background)

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