Kurdistan Bloggers Union Media II (movies that shouldn't have been made) - Kurdistan Bloggers Union

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004 

Media II (movies that shouldn't have been made)

Finally got round to editing this one, I had no idea I hated that first movie so much. It’s very off topic but there wasn’t anything else to talk about, I think everyone’s fed up with the muqty-government see-saw. Btw tough luck Iraq at the Olympics, but we were qualified to the second round anyway plus they were using their second team (i.e without the key players) so it wasn’t too bad

Ok back on topic, there are a lot of movies that fall under that criteria, and I as connoisseur of tv/movie garbage can verify that. Once you've been faced with dialogue like 'don’t be an uncommon denominator’ there's really not much lower u can go. Even more recently I watched ‘dirty dancing havana nights’ if that wasn’t bad enough this movie even gave a cameo appearance to Patrick Swayze (the scariest man in the 80s to ever don a mullet)

I think we should have narrowed it down to ‘racist movies that shouldn't have been made' meaning that these movies weren’t content with just being eye compost.. no they also had to go the extra mile and add a racist factor to it

Not without my #$%^& daughter

What is it with sally field, why is it that every character she plays gives me a desire to inflict as much pain on her as possible. Even when she does guest stints like on ER , she still manages to annoy the hell out of me. The occasional ‘nice’ character she plays still makes me think c’mon who u fooling ure pure evil.
The only reason I watched this movie was cos’ we went to iran (to get to iraq) a long time ago and I thought maybe it would show things we’ve seen like the speed of how women throw their abayas and scarves off when they’re anywhere near home or the path between iran and iraq, instead I was faced with something I definitely wasn’t prepared for. Brief description of the movie: it's based on a ‘true’ story of an American woman who married a caring sensitive Iranian man who turns apeshit when they return to iran. Basically this is all u need to know and learn from the movie cos’ ure reminded of it every second, ok that and her silly daughter mehtob (the only characters name I remember) who he wants to keep in iran.
Note to director if u want a sympathetic character in the movie don’t use sally field. Anyway so their first scene in tehran involves women in abaya(black dress covering heads to foot) jumping out of tanks aiming klashinkovs at her because either her or her daughters headscarf falls off, and I’m thinking whoa wait a minute, when I went to iran they made me wear a headscarf (oh and a long jacket.. this in july mind u ) I was only about 8, they even had to add an extra photo in the passport of me in a headscarf (actually I kept that photo... I look so lost in it) anyway i didn’t know how to wear it cos it kept slipping off but at no point did ninja women fly out of tanks aiming to kill me cos' of it. Anyway I let that slip, still watched it but it just got more offending. Iran has suddenly all turned to sand (no green at all anywhere), Iranians don’t own furniture, Iranians mindlessly put more clothes on when they enter the house, all Iranians are evil oh wait except that one sympathetic character but she gets the crap beaten out of her, in case we forgot the ‘plot’ of the movie. If that wasn’t traumatic enough add to it sally fields incessant whining throughout the whole movie, which makes u wish she doesn’t get her daughter at the end. You even find yourself giving the husband pointers on where to hit her best when he's finally had enough of her and slaps her around (in case anyone starts complaining I do not support domestic abuse just domestic abuse against sally field).Anyway she finally does manage to escape and tries getting smuggled across the iran-iraq border with her daughter. At this point I was expecting the Nazi-esque checkpoint guards but no sign of them, instead we do get instead is a cameo by a kurd, a smuggler how original. And he doesn’t take her by car no no no by donkey. Now to get from Tehran to lets say diyarbakir in turkey, it would take a plane ride and a 20 hour car journey. But no superwoman here somehow manages to get their ON HER DONKEY with her smuggler almost overnight. Actually hold on, i think she does the rest on foot cos the kurdish smuggler ended up being a rapist as well (could we be any more lovable)add that to the fact that the 'kurdish areas' are again sand colored few mountains thrown in and no cities, at this point I'm thinking ok missy not only do I hope u lose ure daughter I also wish u lose her in such a hilarious way that no one sympathizes with u, like that donkey kicking her off a cliff or something.
The movie abruptly ends with her reaching the American embassy in turkey and watching the American flag waving in free air of turkey.

Midnight express:

A movie about turkey big whoop, ok this I didn’t watch fully, I had enough sense to switch the channel.
I mean u seriously expect us to sympathize with a guy who gets caught with drugs in turkey. Seriously are u mentally incompetent to go to a country that has 0 human rights tolerance and go indulge in drugs. You deserve all ure going to get just for sheer stupidity. And then we’re faced with high, yet open hearted, American faces unjust harsh sadistic turks and defies the odds. Click, switch off, I’d rather watch myself get gutted.

In case anyones asking did I as a kurd enjoy the demoniation of turks in that movie, let put it this way , only when headlines like this crop up

Generic anti-arab movies:
These movies would have made a little more sense if they were made after 9/11 or the iraq war as a lame attempt to get back at them , but these movies have been going on a long as there has been hollywood . I must say it is nice that Arabic language in these movies has moved on since ‘khalsha balasha flatasha’ and putting actual Arabic words in it. Also the throwing in on non-arabs (everything from indian to mexican) as arabs speaking a variety of languages, because either no one will notice and second they all look the same anyway.

You can think of these movies as lessons in how to dehumanise a race, just make everyone hairy (including women), change every feature to sand, throw away any form of civilization including housing (as everyone lives in tents anyway), use bad camera lighting when showing areas of that country (actually i think they did the same thing with mexico in traffic), make them eat weird types of food like camel eyeballs and throw in dialog like 'ill give u my daughter for 3 camels' at random times during the script or starting sentences with "EEEEE AAAAH KULULULU" , and voila a middle eastern masterpiece

I think 3 kings took it a step up, it was more along the lines of 'yes u are animals, but look we sympathise with u aren't we great' of course in this movie we even heard morrocan, jordanian and a little fus7a (ancient arabic) accents being spoken. The only 2 iraqis in that movie were 2 brothers who used to be in 'Ifta7 ya simsim' (arabic sesame street of the late 70's 80's).
But its funny now that we have arabs that are coming close to the ones portrayed in the movies, all hollywod movies are trying to show a humane politically correct version or arabs.

Tom and jerry:

As if there wasn’t enough propaganda on tv, we have this. Now I know this isn't movie and u may wonder why i included this. I'll tell u. This concoction represents all that is evil. I detested this cartoon as a kid and yet I still watched it, I think I’ve seen every single episode and not only once probably millions of times. Parents love it, the entire older generation i know would go as far as saying it’s the best cartoon ever made. We had it on video and this is how we spent most of the summer mornings as kid when there was nothing to do. It never occurred to me to switch it off…. Apparently I like pain, I mean even now when I see it on tv I would stop a bit to look at it, its like those abusive relationships where ppl still like their tormentors. The main thing I hated was jerry , that 'cute' little rodent that got away with everything cos he was so lovable. Yes I think the world is screwed because tv shows like this make ppl think you can get away with anything as long as you are cute, yes solely because of tom and jerry, I mean tom wasn’t exactly bright but jerry was a satans right hand. Damn u jerry, one day ill go sue MGM on behalf of all the children that were contaminated by this dirt.

I'm like a magnet to these movies.
In case u were wondering what the worst movie I ever watched was… johnny mnemonic (no comment) and boom (some Indian movie whose motto was the fashion world meets the underworld), a movie so bad my eyes were stinging at the end.

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